365 Letters to Myself
December 5th, Understood, or is it love...
The question is posed, the inquiry put forth – when I seek to be understood, am I actually seeking to be loved? A thought-provoking question, insight to ponder.
Often, I have struggled, thinking it was important for me to be understood. If I am, then perhaps I am credible, I am appreciated, I have connection and receive coveted acceptance/belonging. Though it appears I have confused the two, love and understood -by giving both in serving others, even if love was being returned to me, I unintentionally resist it – feeling unlovable, searching to belong.
With awareness, and it just takes the smallest amount, I am empowered to do what needs to be done. Love is always available within, my inner source/soul, and if I am authentic about giving love unconditionally, I must start truly giving it to myself without conditions and with openness.
It is crazy that at my age, I continue to work through this. I did unpack a few years ago some reasons that may have contributed to being in such a place. Now with a distinction between understood and desiring to be loved, another chance to chip, perhaps break through the wall I have built for decades.
Hmmm, crack my wall…day 142!
Thank you if you choose to join the journey. Let's hope it is more fun than tears!