Updated: Aug 6, 2022
July 17th, Guilty as Charged...
Still sticks with me, the day my roommate asked, “If you didn’t feel guilty, would you feel anything at all?” She nailed it, I agreed, because it was true… “I’m sorry” was a constant reply I gave others. What was I apologizing for…I don’t even know, remember…something, myself, not meeting expectations, and being a person of strong personal responsibility, I should have been able to do something about it? Nowadays, defining guilt through a dishonoring of values too, I seem to carry guilt around ‘family’. What could I have done differently? Why wasn’t I more prepared? Was the life I gave my boys growing up a bunch of untruths? But leveraging my accountability trait more, I decipher what is within my direct control, and what to no longer 'take personal'. Love, love the book, The Four Agreements, life changing! I pause to determine what might be behind the guilt and it can be a struggle to properly challenge the fixer in me that wants to just ‘make it better’. Writing about this, I didn’t like feeling guilty as much as I did. It messed with my self-esteem, always claiming to be wrong. As a colleague once noted as well, it was making me appear weak, which was not flattering for my role and position. Hearing that was, is still a motivator. I have a too strong of a foundation and character of strength. I will NOT be associated with weakness. So abundantly blessed by those that lovingly offer opinions for me to consider. I can always choose what to do with them.
Hmmm, not guilty… Day 5!
Thank you if you choose to join the journey. Let's hope it is more fun than tears!