365 Letters to Myself

August 6th, Lazy days...


Will it ever be easy for me to embrace a lazy day? It’s cloudy, rainy and here I sit thinking, I should do this, I should do that – I can’t simply lounge. Just like yesterday, a gorgeous day I was going to only relax on the patio, but not until I did a couple of tasks that allowed me to feel I was productive first. I kept getting up and down from the couch and my reading.


It’s not like I am super disciplined anymore. There was a time in my life I always had to be busy. If I dared to watch TV, I better be doing laundry, paying bills, attacking a clutter project (sorting catalogs, mail) or a long time ago something crafty, the height of my career, working…at the same time. Now I have learned to slow it down a bit, capable of not multi-tasking, but my mind isn’t focused on the show I might be watching. My thoughts are to what is not getting done, what else could I be doing or worse I may contemplate the past.


The granddaughter comes in to my room, “Grandma-I made you something at school…” She enthusiastically shows me the life of a butterfly wheel, revealing each stage- eggs, caterpillar, chrysalis, butterfly. I was recipient of a similar project, and she thought I would like this one too. I do – I love it, the symbolism, the message. I will keep it in my planner as reminder of my time right now, a chrysalis in transformation. It is ok to simply be, I tell myself, and it seems I will keep getting signs to embrace what feels lazy, as with meaning and transformative.


Hmmm, productive has many looks…day 24!


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