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365 Letters to Myself

Updated: Aug 6, 2022

July 30th, Plans changed...

The morning started off perfectly! My plan for the gorgeous day - read on my patio, I have a good book (actually fiction vs. my usual self-discovery or business) and will write about dad as today is the 10th anniversary of his crossing into everlasting life. But first a voice inside me said I better check in on mom before settling in.

Mom doesn't like July - more painful memories for her now than the many good ones she could reflect upon. She hasn't felt good either, already facing heart issues - but still independent and fairly mobile, the last few weeks have been one medical visit after another for 'pain', self-diagnosis as sciatica...UR, ER, PT. (a long 'story' around mom and doctors, perhaps another time). But before I make the offer - she is asking for me. In lieu of family dynamics, I am the 'only' child and she is seeking validation she is physically ok. I let her know I too planned to stop by, see her soon. Upon walking in, she's asleep in her chair. I wait for her to awake. Once she does, the wincing of pain does me noticing her left arm. WTH...a cat story...he bit her 3 days ago! My instincts knew where this was headed, but I tried ice and antibacterial cream first, nope, UR a second time in 10 days. Through it all, I approached the conversation, as appropriate, about the possibility her emotions are manifesting themselves through her body/health to manage through the month. Met with some consideration. A repeat comment by her "I spent my first 10 years without your father, am I meant to spend my last 10...we'll find out in September."

I played pity party a bit, (my day upset, damn sibs, etc.) but reminding myself there's a lot of compassion and understanding to be exercised instead - after all, she's mom. Put frustration aside - be patient, 'just do the next right thing' (Life principle I pray daily for!), I repeated to myself. But not going to deny, pretty grateful for a handoff to the nephew - thank goodness he reached out earlier in the day to spend time doing their thing 'movie and dinner'.

She was a shadow to and or wind beneath dad's wings, having the day focus on her more than him, poetic justice? I hope come August a return to mom, as usual, well somewhat - Haha. I fear if that will not be the case, what next.

Hmmm, go with the flow…day 18!

Thank you if you choose to join the journey. Let's hope it is more fun than tears!

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