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365 Letters to Myself

July 28th, Love sucks!

Who hasn’t loved someone, something…and had to ‘let go’? Willing, unwilling – a first love, a forbidden (or soulmate) love, family, friendships, marriage, work, careers, homes, etc. To a death, move, conflict, timing, location, opportunity, disaster, jealously, betterment, and on, and on. Let’s be honest – most often it comes with an element of HURT, perhaps sacrificing, and or a sense of some type of LOSS. It is confusing, complicated, emotional, freeing, hard work. The whys, what, the should of, could of, if only, someday – answers that may never come or be.

I write about this today as, ‘let go’ is a daily prayer and I am having a week of ‘love’ reminders. (dad's 10 years, 1st act, friends divorce finalized, neighbors job loss...) After, an acceptance meditation and some brain dumping, once again I am blessed to entertain a new perspective, love isn’t to be ‘let go’. The love we feel (or felt) has and is making us who we are and there’s an endless capacity for us to, keep and experience it, when we know how to embrace and channel it. As the saying goes, ‘better to have love – than not at all’. Once able to sort it all out…I am thinking this is true. The exercises to deny it, become indifferent, move on…not very effective.

In the name of love, I recognize the sacrifices I made in continuing a legacy story; to now use the breadth of knowledge in a new career that allows a chance to be making a difference, freeing my boys from oppression and bullying, providing stabilization to those in the middle. In the name of love, I choose gratitude for the good memories of ‘loves’, family, friends, and the lessons from the more difficult times. In the name of love, I will empathize with what pain may be within someone, for them to BE a huge pain. I will see love as what is possible behind everyone, everything and choose to ‘keep it’ in the manner that best serves me (and others). As a ‘friend’ stated, “I accept it occupies a space inside me always” – they may have said, “nags at me”, – in relation to us not being a part of each other’s life.

It took getting pregnant with my son to discover unconditional love, after what I can only remember as not knowing it, beginning with my own self-love. Now that I am learning how to live love, might as well allow it to expand who I am and the growth that is available for me, rather than ‘let go’ because it showed up in ways, I found to be different than I wanted, personally.

Hmmm, all I need is love…day 16!

Thank you if you choose to join the journey. Let's hope it is more fun than tears!

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