365 Letters to Myself

Aging

We age. Simple hardcore truth… our number of years increases. Some of us do so gracefully, in good health. Others develop an attitude, maybe struggle with their wellbeing, are afraid.  I am at the stage of parents aging. Losing my dad over a decade ago – stripped of the dignity he personified his adult life, I am now watching my mother, who could be regarded as sharp, witty, learned – losing her sight, an avid reader unable to anymore, and mind, add to it some anxiety and depression. As the primary caregiver for her a battle has ensued. Role reversal feels dishonoring. How can I be a servant, caring and patient as asked by God, wanting to be there for her? When I look on too often impatiently, saddened, and questioning the quality – which is not mine to comment upon or judge. I am not alone. Many friends are experiencing similar challenges – fading memory, confusion, delusions, wandering off, responsibilities – the stories not so unique. No real solutions, only coping skills to discover.  With a husband approaching 70 and entering the decade of 60’s myself this year, I believe I better figure out how to find the beauty in aging other cultures are so good at valuing. It’s not as much, of course some, the physicality that gets to me – but more so I just don’t want to become burdensome to loved ones. Or perhaps, not knowing what losses my ageing will bring, can I take the advice I gave mom recently… look for the gains.  

Hmmm, not for the weak…day 304!

Thank you if you choose to join the journey. A better life, a better way.

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