November 4th, I love you...
A client just shared a text with me, where they asked, “I hope it is ok to say, I love you” (younger they added, like a mother, haha). At the same time, I was brain dumping, yet again, about being ‘hated’ by my siblings, asking for answers on why. After receiving her text, a few tears came and I wrote a bit more, about the continuing insights of how this pattern of being unloved, working hard to earn love within family has shown up my entire life and how I must move beyond it, this is the time! Family can take on a different definition.
My life is blessed in love… my dad and mom (though complicated mother/daughter relationship), my children (hopefully granddaughters and daughter-in-laws), my husband, friends-beyond counting on one hand, some that when we text sign off-‘love you more’, my clients (though I feel they deserve to be called more than that), business supporters…the universe (my God), providing the words I needed, in the moment I needed to hear, feel them.
May I focus solely on where love exists for me, not continue to notice where it doesn’t and or subconsciously dismiss it, as is too often my reaction. We only get to control how, where, who we give love to, not receive it from. If my efforts to give are met with resistance, I should understand – I am familiar, as I had to pause and remind myself to take it in, allow the feeling.
For whatever happened in my childhood, wanting to, actively giving others love is an outcome. Never, while offering it is it a conscious thought, if I give love, I must receive it too. If given to me, I don’t want it to be an obligation, but authentic like the text this morning AND may I keep improving upon, not just graciously touched by the acknowledgement, allow myself to feel it.
Hmmm, authentic love…day 111!
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