365 Letters to Myself
October 26th, It is not physical...
After 2 hours in UR this morning, EMT’s at the house and another 4+ in the ER tonight – the verdict, physically all looks fine for age, condition. It’s not physical was my diagnosis from the start and no emergency medical personnel is saying it out loud. I get it, they can’t, their box is to deal with the moment, qualifying and disqualifying – admitting or discharging.
The exhaustion is kicking in for me, as I lay in my son’s room, while she is sleeping in my bed. Driving home, I kindly mentioned to her a few times, it’s not physical – you are physically ok - are you hearing me. Hoping these words would give her peace. It gives me no pleasure to be thinking it is more mental and emotional ailments going on. I am sad about the situation, as I had to witness the impatience, frustration, crying, losing it. I am at a loss on what to do next – me trying to address what is going on, is not the answer.
Hmmm, it is mental, emotional…day 102!
Thank you if you choose to join the journey. Let's hope it is more fun than tears!