October 8th, How am I sounding...
It’s one of those days I am curious as to how am I sounding… Taking advantage of some ‘alone’ time my son has, I am sharing thoughts, observations about his daughter, wife. Hearing myself, I start to wonder, do I sound helpful (as is the motive, intention) or annoying? Putting myself in his shoes, I lean towards, “yeah, I am a nag – just stop already”. Then the debate starts in my head. I am trying to have a conversation, so how do I do it better, so it feels and sounds like we’re having a meaningful chat? I wish it wouldn’t seem so motherly but is it possible for my communication with him to avoid this stigma, I am his mom. A lot of thinking, overthinking. Another opportunity to say, how am I sounding (in this writing). Ugh. Making myself a bit nuts at the moment!
It is not unique to this son; I tend to feel it with the other 2 as well. I guess I could ask them all how they perceive the tone, content in our discussions. Maybe, I am more sensitive than I need to be as what often lies beneath is my eldest comment, “When you take a certain tone, I hear nothing you are saying. I tune you out”. Spoken during his tumultuous teenage years, which he made difficult, and I tried the best I could in them, but realize in hindsight of course, I could have been different. Overall, my relationships with my sons I believe are good, but I don’t know how they think I sound and, in the absence, am I drawing upon my own story? How I sometimes hear my mom…mothers/daughters, a more complicated relationship, communication challenge!! I am grateful to be a boy mom, so grateful!
Hmmm, mother/son communication…day 84!
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