365 Letters to Myself
Updated: Aug 14, 2022
July 25th, Bad judgement...
Man, oh man, I am good at beating myself down when I get a bit caught up in the moment and engage in some bad judgement! How is it so fun...and then a nagging voice inside, ‘why did you not remember to be true to your boundaries’...shame, bad, play it over and over...I obsess. For what, I cannot change it. I was living large in the moment. It was a great time!! An awesome way to spend a picturesque summer day. Fond memories made.
I seem to have a standard - I do not believe in cutting myself any slack. There were most fortunately NO consequences - all ended well, is fine. But I am hanging on, digging in - what will it take to let it be! It weakens but lingers for a while. Of course, this is just the most recent time. Thankfully, these are few and far between overall, sticking in my guilt though.
A thoughtful insight occurs, how much of this relates to my people pleasing? I have spent a lifetime most often being the 'good girl', doing the 'right things' (except for a few rebellious High School years!!) I've never considered the perspective that the first and really, only one I can truly please is myself (and spirit) - past, present and future. Am I simply caught up in my self-inflicted disappointment? I wouldn't harbor it in my kids or others, but offer, 'was it fun-good, everyone safe, are you going to do it again-no, lesson learned' (at least for now).
Hmmm, pleaser…Day 13!
Thank you if you choose to join the journey. Let's hope it is more fun than tears!