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365 Letters to Myself

September 29th, What is so important...

Over the last 24 hours, I have engaged in some interesting conversations that have raised the question for me and I asked of them, “What in one’s story is so important that...”

Our chats started with an acknowledgment of a shared sense of feelings associated with being depressed and we discussed what might be at the source. There was an evolving into anxieties that are currently present for us in our daily lives.

One friend stated “she feels alone” over a situation that has her son, who use to call 1-2 times a day, absent in reaching out for almost a month now. She can make some assumptions about the trigger, but it seems unusual that it took on such a strong reaction, for so long. Thus, I questioned, “What story is he telling himself, to every day, decide not to call his 80-year-old mom?” It's his mom. I can empathize, close to home, I routinely wonder something similar as I watch my own mother fill up with hurt, build a wall of viciousness rhetoric, and ask “was I that bad of a mother?”, “they wish I died, instead of your dad”. It breaks my heart, as she too is in her 80’s. Is saying 'sorry' that big of a sacrifice - wouldn’t peace be deserving at this point?

Another conversation, a dear friend is caught in the middle of a sibling ‘war’. After working hard to raise her family with a strong foundation of traditional family values and a childhood full of fond memories, ‘a strong difference of opinions, unwelcomed actions’ has for the moment created a situation of silence between her children. No communication, no reconciliation, no shared holidays, no family time – everything now seems less significant, there is an absence of joys that use to be common. “What piece of their stories is worth hanging on to for this?”, I asked without judgement. Again, eerily familiar. Not a proud moment to own – but I find myself, an only child in my 50’s, after being one of 5 children my parents built their lives around. I guess you can consider, siblings do not choose each other, therefore should they decide for a variety of reasons they do not necessarily need to stay in one another’s lives, where trust is not it just to be accepted?

Hmmm, cancelling family…day 75!

Thank you if you choose to join the journey. Let's hope it is more fun than tears!

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