August 12th, Exhausted...
I like to believe I am strong, that I can take it all on, juggle a lot. I’ve dealt with much in my life, in comparison significantly more than what the last couple of weeks has brought. Why then am I experiencing a level of emotional exhaustion that is surprising to me?
What’s different this time – I could say the feeling of being ‘alone’ in it. Which isn’t fair, it’s not true, except maybe the ‘burden’ piece. Maybe it is the helplessness aspect – there is nothing I can say, do to make a difference. Perhaps the relationship dynamic – it’s complicated psychologically, mind games. Have the events of the last 6 years also shaken what was once a considerable strength?
Whatever it is, I must get over it! Thus, the writing it and having to hear how weak it sounds, enough. I will not be tired. As a friend said (and the advice I would give others), what little things can I do that will feed me…more exercise, less TV, read, brain dump, take on small projects for a sense of accomplishment, buy some flowers this weekend, enjoy the summer weather, catch the sunset, gratitude journal, artist date...plenty of options. Be faithful, disciplined and organized. I am open to the lessons to learn, the compassion to feel, the prayers/turning it spiritually over to practice – I’ve got this!
Hmmm, Awaken…day 30!
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